Buying stuff online makes me puke
Age 35, Male
In your ceiling
Joined on 8/21/06
Hi there, reading your story I get the feeling you can develop it more thoroughly. You have a story now, but you can turn it into a more comprehensive guide for the possible illustrator and animator by adding explanations of the characters, setting, tone, mood, plot, just to give them an idea how to visualise this tale.
Inject your thoughts into those things, throw it out to the community, get feedback, rinse, repeat.
lol thanks though, good advice
Are dead raccoons really bad omen? Anyway, the writing was ok.. You have got got to work a bit on punctuation though... Keep it up
no, i made the raccon part up :3
AWw man now you made me feel all bad..Meh, I sorry, you're not a fag. =|
lol, thanks.... i think....
good, now join my legions james, step into this firey abyss of chaos, you know it is your destiny...embrace your darkness!
hehehe.........
Cool story!
thanks
Wait, a dead raccoon?
I'm sad now.
lol, my disclaimer: "no actual raccoons were harmed in the making of this story"
Nice one, kiddo! Keep it up.
thanks havay, :)
Pretty good story. I feel sad for the racoon though. :(
me too... and so does Raccoonmario.... lol
wweerrdd
The composition and the story are good. Sometimes it's good to have a shorter story and I think you did a good job ending it where you did. Ok, maybe it could have been a little longer, but not much! Anyway, the only criticism I have would be this:
Look over your longer sentences and break them in two. IE:
"the poor raccon!" my mom exclaimed, me, I just stood there, i read online that dead raccons were an omen of doom.
would become:
"the poor raccon!" my mom exclaimed! Me, I just stood there. Later, I read online that dead raccons were an omen of doom.
It's just a suggestion, but it may help to control the flow of the story. Try it out and see if you agree.
jamesb1995
thanks! this is my 1st story so i expected SOME faults. lol