I can't tell you where this story begins, or when, its too dangerous..
but i can tell you what day of the week it is, it was a tuesday...
I was walking down the strret on that very tuesday, little did i know, the next days would change my life forever.
It all started when i arrived in bedford, it was a quaint town, some would even call it a tight community, i called it boring. i mean, there was no arcade, no theater and NO kids. The worst was the fact that i had to live in some old house "its a nice house, a lot of history" my mom said, yeah right.
When we got nside i nearly puked, it smelled like something died, unfourtunately something did.
"the poor raccon!" my mom exclaimed, me, I just stood there, i read online that dead raccons were an omen of doom,
that night i heard the noises, my mom said it was just the house settling, i wasn't so sure. the second night i had to find out what the heck was going on, so i decided the attic would be a good guess the attic was like an attic you would see in a movie, mothballs everywhere, dim lightbulb, etc. the only thing that stood out from anything was an old mirror, as i looked into it i felt as though my very lifeforce was being sucked out, when i awoke, it was dark....
it took me awhile to figure out where i was, i was in a room, more of a cell actually, it had no doors, a window, and a chair. Thats when he appeared. "hello, mortal.." he said in a terrifying tone, "if you wish to be free you have only to answer this, what are you?" "what am i?" i said, dumbfounded "well... im a human" "I KNOW THAT!" he bellowed "I MEAN, WHERE DO YOU COME FROM? WHAT DO YOU WANT? THINGS LIKE THAT!" "oh....." i said, terrified "well, im from planet earth of the milky way, i would like to travel around my planet, and know what you are.." "that is not important... goodbye..."
when i woke up my mom said i'd been in a coma for a week, the doctor said i'd be fine, my mom didn't accept that. "why did this happen? will it happen again? are you sure?" she questioned. as i write this i hope that nobody else suffers the same thing that i did, im still looking over my shoulder in case someone or, something is following me...
THE END
"no actual raccoons were harmed in the making of this story"
wweerrdd
The composition and the story are good. Sometimes it's good to have a shorter story and I think you did a good job ending it where you did. Ok, maybe it could have been a little longer, but not much! Anyway, the only criticism I have would be this:
Look over your longer sentences and break them in two. IE:
"the poor raccon!" my mom exclaimed, me, I just stood there, i read online that dead raccons were an omen of doom.
would become:
"the poor raccon!" my mom exclaimed! Me, I just stood there. Later, I read online that dead raccons were an omen of doom.
It's just a suggestion, but it may help to control the flow of the story. Try it out and see if you agree.
jamesb1995
thanks! this is my 1st story so i expected SOME faults. lol